A Portrait of the British

A Visit to the Old Blighty – June 2024

A couple of days walking on the streets in Britain makes you realise that Americans have totally gone in the opposite direction in their daily life protocols from the Brits after their independence. Of course, when it comes to our behaviour when we step out of our houses into the public domain, we probably are the worst and is quite apparent we did not learn anything about etiquette from the British. It would be prudent if you don’t start on how we behave in public otherwise this post will take another direction and will involve large amounts of ranting. Okay, coming back to the Americans, as an aside, why is Canada in Commonwealth but not USA? You wonder why and if at any point in time USA was a part of Commonwealth but then decided to part company.

On the streets in US in summers, the few people walking will make eye contact, smile, wish & acknowledge greetings and maybe chat about the weather in the elevator. Yes, it is called lift across the Atlantic. In Britain, people avoid making eye contact or mumbling any greetings. Now that you think about it, it is kind of okay. Here, streets are full of people walking. People here love to walk, cycle, skateboard, scooter and take the underground. And people ARE in a hurry here walking from the station to the office or trying to get to the bus stop. Trains and buses are notorious for their sharp timings to seconds. Therefore, it will waste a lot of time exchanging greetings with fellow walkers resulting in cascading non-desirable chain of events of missed trains and buses, turning up late in the offices and probably not being able to leave office at five. Work-life balance is essential in the British society. Shops close at six in the evening; and even earlier on Sundays. In USA, hardly anybody walks on the streets except in Manhattan or secure plazas and campuses. So, they exchange greetings in the elevator or while crossing aisles in the supermarket; much less hectic interaction points with no repercussions.

 

You have been warned. Don’t try to start conversations or wish strangers on the street. Post covid years are weird. While they have turned you anti-social and grumpy; they have also turned you into a garrulous extrovert from a taciturn person. And in this phase of life, you like taking new challenges.

 

So, you are out on the streets trying to make eye contact, smile and greet strangers. Most people do acknowledge though not willingly. But then the British are the nicest people on the street. Two minutes of walking and there will be dozen Sorrys and Thank Yous. They will smile and shower you with more thank yous if you let them pass on the narrow pavements (called sidewalks in US – yes, they changed all nomenclature from their old country). During your time here you will have several long conversations with mostly elderly folks and you realise they are not really that unapproachable or reticent.

The Unstiff Conversationalist British

In the bus to Winchombe the elderly lady sitting behind you is interested to know where you were headed to. “To see the Steam Railway,” and she is suitably impressed. So, you show her the maps you have drawn and the list of places to see in your little red travel diary and she can’t believe what she is seeing. In Cirencester, this gentleman wonders what photos I am clicking. He looks like a weathered captain of a fishing trawler who was born in Yorkshire. Now he has been living in this wondrous Roman town for two decades. He has lost his son. You don’t want to pry. We walk together for about half a mile as he continues to talk about the town, the history and whatever he wants to today. English pronunciation is hard to follow; Yorkshire’s even trickier. You try to listen hard. In the town centre, in the shadow of the towering St John Baptist Parish Church we bid goodbye. You absolutely loved this man.    

In Bath, as you go crazy looking at these wonderful Georgian and Palladian buildings all around, a city which UNESCO calls ‘deliberately created beautiful city,’ this gentleman who looks like an academician, asks, “are you doing street photography?” “I wish I had more time so that I could just wonder around.” “I am right now overwhelmed with all this beauty and all this wonderful architecture and the cobbled streets still looking like they did hundreds of years ago, except for the hissing red double-deckers.” He points to the faded painted signs over the buildings. “You can’t repaint them or remove them or put a new sign on them.” “You need the City’s permission and they won’t give it.” And this is when you realise how much British love their heritage, their cities and aesthetics and their way of life. You think of the ugly modern structures coming up in Siddhpur and Shekhawati, two places that come to your mind when you walk in Bath. He points to another building – “those wooden eaves that you see they are original.” The gentleman loves his city and the buildings that inhabit it. “Are you a professor?” “I am a retired engineer. I love photography though. Today I am not carrying the camera. I am carrying this,” – pointing to his phone. “Now everyone is a photographer.” “And a reel-maker,” you add. He smiles. You can read his mind. The mobile phone has killed the romance of photography. That world is lost. We say our goodbyes.

Behind the Bank of England, you finally spot the only surviving sign of East India Company in London. A plaque indicates the location of the now gone Founders’ Hall, where the founders of the Company met and incorporated the company. You need to share this good news. The guards who had no idea of this place are on the other side across the street. In this narrow dead-end alley there is a sharply dressed man on his smoke break. British people are generally well dressed. Here in the Financial District, they are all in suits and ties. So, you rattle off the whole story showing him Indogenius’s insta reel that brought you here. He is impressed. No, he didn’t know anything about this before. He thanks you for sharing this bit of history just across the street from his office in Bank of England. The smoke break is over. He thanks me again and walks away. Wait a minute – is that a PNB sign just ahead?

The Prim & Propah British

British are probably the quietest people and brimming with that quintessential British etiquette. They always talk in hushed whispers. Markets, public transport, cafeterias, supermarkets are all quiet. You will never hear anyone talk loudly or yelling or laughing. It is like secrets are being shared across the country on a need-to-know basis. There is no honking on the roads and phones don’t ring. With ear pods you are not even sure if the walkers are talking into their phones or are listening to music. The bus trip to London is uncharacteristic. Two couples talk loudly and their phones ring jarringly. Both couples are Indians. You would have forgiven them if they were North Indians. You are so disappointed – both couples are South Indian. The student from Tamil Nadu agrees with you that this town is beautiful. He continues, “But we Indians make it dirty wherever our numbers increase,” indicating a locality in Warwick that he does not go to anymore. At the Victoria bus station, the only voice coming over the general murmur of the crowd is this Punjabi conversation. This young man is on the phone for twenty minutes now. You are tempted to walk over to him and set him right. Well, you are just too tired after walking about 40 kms in three days in London. An exchange with an idiot is the last thing you want to do on the eve of departure from this amazing city. So why don’t we learn even after moving here and living in a society this propah? Something is fundamentally wrong with us. Maybe it is our 5000 year culture that we are so proud of.  

Lean & Genteel

British people still look like they looked in the WWII movies. You hardly see any out of shape person here. All the 45000 beer swilling pot-bellied and loud football fans are in Germany! Young or elderly are amazingly fit and lean. The Americans in the meantime drive to steak dinner buffets gulping Big Gulp and slurping Slurpees. They are already XXL size and are steadily moving to the next level. But here in Britian everyone including CEO types and airline cabin crew walks, cycles, scooters and takes the underground – wearing suits & ties and dresses. In USA, sweatshirts are the choice of the masses. Here everyone is dressed to kill including the ushers in the North Pavilion at Lords. The sharp looking bankers in London’s Financial District definitely don’t look like the people in your neighbourhood branch. The women in their summer wear look fetchingly lovely.  

So why are the British this healthy looking? You have a hunch. You have heard horror stories around NHS. It takes months to get a doctor appointment and even longer to get a surgery. Going to emergency when running high fever will take entire day sitting in chair and waiting. Even then you might not be prescribed your favourite antibiotics that you can merrily pop back home. This could be reason the British want to stay healthy so that they don’t have to suffer for months before the system brings them to a doctor.

Hush Puppies

Britian is a small island. The houses are small with tiny gardens, the cars are small (Mini Cooper is a popular car), the parking lots are small, the roads are still the same like they were fifty years ago - London still does not have flyovers - and the dogs are small. Almost everyone has a dog here and like their humans you never heard a dog woof in your time there. The dogs are all friendly and furry and just want to play with you. Here in your neighbourhood pet dogs growl behind the gates and once outside are ready to pounce on you during your evening walk. Psychologists can better explain this.  You have still no idea why the dogs here are so angry with the world.

You never knew there were so many small dog breeds in the world apart from pugs and pomeranians. Here, it is mostly the humans who spend their time protecting their dogs instead of the other way round. If you had such a small dog in the house, you would be walking tepidly around the house all day for the fear of stepping on the poor thing and since the dogs have lost their voice there will be no yelp of pain either. Maybe the British put a bell or fit the dog with an alarm sounding anti-collision device.

People say that instead of having babies the British like to have dogs and therefore the resulting falling population growth and changing demographics. But you see a lot of couples with babies and toddlers in the parks and pushing the strollers in the streets and couples with both babies and dogs! Again, just like the humans and dogs the babies too are quiet and happy sucking on their pacifiers.

These were pleasant few days among the British people. I am not going to go into the past and their behaviour and policies when they had colonised half the world. But now just like everyone else in the post covid world, people are struggling to keep their expenses down while the rich keep getting richer. You are surprised to see the number of high-end cars even in small towns. Everyday, few pubs - the quintessential British post work hangout spot – close down as people lose their discretionary income with rising inflation. Sandwiches during lunchtime fly off the shelves off Tesco Express stores since sit-down regular meals are super expensive. The intra-city buses have subsidized fares to help the people. The people struggle with the government health system. But still, Britain is a first-rate country in every sense. Every town and city has droves of tourists. London is literally flowing with tourists. People risk their lives trying to make it to its shores. And then why not – there is history, architecture and natural beauty whichever way you look, you can drink water straight from the taps, the buses & trains run by the clock and people are sensible, cultured and polite. You do hope to visit the country again. 

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